(Source: humanemoji)

(Source: forgivemefuckme)

letmegrabyourcuteass:

I like Parrish because he’s just a ‘go with the flow’ type of guy like

Ninja killing people? Okay.

Someone bombs the police station? Okay.

Suspicious boy turning up at a demolished home and his finger prints come up for a much older man? Mmmkay.

Pretty little lady in a house where a family died in and finds a meat locker full of dead people? Gee, this lady is pretty.

Pretty little lady a psychic? Okay.

Sheriff looks suspicious at times? Mmalright.

tehjai:

steel-plated-hearts:

a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but can’t focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into

Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.

She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.

It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.

*   *   *   

Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.

A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her. 

*   *   *   

Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.

And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.

*   *   *   

Third year, she started to notice a trend.

First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.

After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.

He did not notice.

*   *   *   

They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.

Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.

And she was right.

Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.

*   *   *    

Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.

She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.

But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.

Potter’s fault. Of course.

*   *   *   

Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.

All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.

Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.

This was the worst fucking school, honestly.

*   *   *   

They were calling it “The Final Battle.”

Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him. 

“POTTER.”

He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”

She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”

She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.

*   *   *   

She became Minister of Magic at age 36.

Fucking Potter.

I think I just found the best Harry Potter fanfic

(Source: itsvondell)

(Source: kingofcouture)

Chris Pratt recalls a story from early in his career when Jimmy went out of his way to show kindness. [x]

(Source: jimmyfallongifs)

slloths:

*gets anon hate from the dog with a blog*

(Source: mcwrap)

(Source: lalondes)

Our founders (…) divided us into five groups, factions, to keep the peace.
The smart ones, the ones who value knowledge and logic are in Erudite. They know everything.
Amity farm the land. They’re all about kindness and harmony, always happy.
Candor value honesty and order. They tell the truth even when you wish they wouldn’t.
And then there’s Dauntless. They’re our protectors, our soldiers, our police. I always thought they were amazing. Brave, fearless and free. Some people think Dauntless are crazy, which they kind of are.
My faction is Abnegation. The other all call us “stiffs”. We lead a simple life, selfless, dedicated to helping others. We even feed the factionless, the ones who don’t fit in anywhere. Because we’re public servants we’re trusted to run the government.

(Source: asradiantasthesun)

cunt3rparts:

it’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary

(Source: counterpunks)

masterblaster:

theeasyvirtue:

masterblaster:

We ordered lube and rubbers online and because we spent more than $20 they sent us a free (too-big-to-use) dildo. So…

to big to use….?

You know, I’m glad you asked, because it allows me to print a correction.
I originally said it was too big to use, but yesterday I learned an important lesson about determination and believing in yourself.

masterblaster:

theeasyvirtue:

masterblaster:

We ordered lube and rubbers online and because we spent more than $20 they sent us a free (too-big-to-use) dildo. So…

to big to use….?

You know, I’m glad you asked, because it allows me to print a correction.

I originally said it was too big to use, but yesterday I learned an important lesson about determination and believing in yourself.

exactable:

I wish I could illegally download clothes

(Source: exactable)

fefeferi:

when u accidentally hurt ur friends feelings and they insist that its fine but u know it isnt

image

(Source: funayurei)